Fleurs de France: (Joan of Arc?) Brie with Herbs

Fleurs de France: (Joan of Arc?) Brie with Herbs
Comes from: cows
Purchased at: Rouses
$12.99/lb



What's interesting about this cheese is this: I'm looking at this photograph -- this entry is, admittedly, written after the fact (and timestamp), for which I'd apologize but my Hebrew school teachers taught me that an apology implies asking forgiveness of the wronged human, asking forgiveness of wronged deity, *and* promising to do better in the future, and obviously that last one is the sticking point here -- and I'm like, Where the hell did Rouses get the idea to call this cheese "Joan of Arc"? 'cause it's certainly not on the commercial label.

Anyway.

Rouses doesn't carry great cheeses; the store up in Mid-City has a moderately better selection than the one on Tchoupitoulas, but it's not Whole Foods (or, sigh, DiBruno Brothers). Also, cheeses that are... herbed (with herbs mixed in, with herbs patted on) are hit-or-miss, and very often miss. This cheese surprised me, though; I really bought it because it was the only brie in a portable size, and it turned out to be really decent. Not, like, the greatest brie ever, but I think it'd be just the sort of thing to fool your guests with at a dinner party.

Unfortunately I just have no the hell idea what it's called.

Cheese party: I recommend the bucherondine, maybe the romao, always the pecorino.

Port Salut
Comes from: cows
$11.99/lb

Meh. Bland.

Pecorino Romano
Comes from: cows
$14.99/lb

I love pecorino, because it is the saltiest of cheeses. Also, crunchy.

Romao
Comes from: sheep, also rosemary
$17.99/lb

As Rachel said, this cheese doesn't need *all* the rosemary it's wrapped in, but it's still delicious.

Big John's Cajun
Comes from: Utah milk (cows), also garlic and pepper and celery salt
$19.99/lb

Meh. It's okay -- I'm still trying to figure out why this cheese tastes "cajun" to me; I think it's the garlic -- but it's nothing spectacular. Nice try, Mormons.

Pyreneese Ossau Iraty
Comes from: sheep
$18.99/lb

I like ossau iraty, so there.

Cypress Chevre Bermuda Triangle
Comes from: goats
$22.99/lb

Oh, triangle-cheese.

St. Andre
Comes from: cows
$14.99/lb

For a low-market brie, this cheese is just fine. Seriously.

Sea Hive
Comes from: Utah milk (cows), honey
$19.99/lb

I'm not sure I could really taste the honey in this one. Maybe Rachel could.

Bucherondine
Comes from: goats
$12.99/lb

Wow. I'm not exactly sure why this cheese was so cheap, but it's the clear standout in my mind. Wow.

Crave Brothers Les Frères & Holly Springs Goat Cheese

Crave Brothers Les Frères
Comes from: cows
Purchased at: Whole Foods
$12.99/lb (Okay, that is pretty much impossible. Yet the only photo I have does not do a great job of reproducing the cheese-price. So... sorry, I have no idea what this cheese costs.)

"Will this cheese taste like French muenster?" I asked the dude in the square glasses who is sometimes at Whole Foods here.
"Yes," he said.
"Okay..." I said. "How much will it taste like feet?"
"It's an amazing cheese," he said. "The cheese-makers' father was Irish, and their mother was French, and they wanted to do something to combine the two."
"Uh-huh," I said. "So it'll taste like feet, then."
"It's a little pungent," he said. "But it's delicious."

Okay, so here is the thing: This cheese doesn't really taste like feet at all, which just goes to show you that sometimes the people who work at Whole Foods, *even at the cheese counter*, don't know what they're talking about.

Onnnn the other hand, this cheese *is* fantastic. Fantastic! That is how good this cheese is. It is not quite runny like brie, though it'd probably get at least minimally runny if you let it sit out at room temperature for longer than I was willing to let it sit out at room temperature before I ate it. But it just has a wonderful flavor to it, not at all foot-y, just... oh, it is so good. (Actually, the flavor was a teeny bit reminiscent of cheddar, which, given my history with cheddar, should not have appealed to me. What can I say? I am nothing if not inconsistent.)

I liked this cheese a lot.

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Holly Springs Goat Cheese
Comes from: goats
Purchased at: Whole Foods
$24.99/lb

This cheese is okay, a solidly enjoyable, moderately firm and dry goat cheese. Nothing spectacular, but still delicious and just great for munching. I wished I could pair it with fig jam or something similar, but I don't have any in the house right now. (Note to self: Fig jam! FIG JAM.)

Tomme de Espelette

Tomme de Espelette
Comes from: sheep
Purchased at: Whole Foods
$21.99/lb


The internet helpfully tells me that "tomme" is just a general term for a semi-hard cheese, especially one made from skim milk (though this label says nothing so dreadful), and "espelette" is a red pepper. I think.

(Incidentally, this website is great; scroll down to the bottom to check out the texture chart. Dear person who is just like me on the internet, Hello and I love you!) (Oh, and he -- and here is where it gets weird, because I thought it was a he, and then I was like, But why? Because his background is black? and then I followed the links to facebook, and it does, indeed, appear to be a he who created the website, but then does that mean that men and women do indeed have gendered voices in the seminonymous paradise that is the internet? and, I mean, of course *some* voices are gendered, and some statements pretty clearly broadcast sex ("So I was pushing a baby out of my vagina the other day..."), but this is a website about *cheese*, and shouldn't it be gender-neutral? BUT IT ISN'T. -- Anyway, but he recommends this other site for you to read, which, meh, but oh, it links to DiBruno and now I miss Philly waaaah.)

Tomme de Espelette, incidentally, tastes like sheep-cheese with peppers in it. Moist, semi-firm (think cheddar but less dense, or, actually, swiss is a close approximation in terms of texture). It's good, actually; sometimes the whole cheese-with-stuff-added thing means that the added stuff overwhelms the cheese, or vice versa, but this is a nice complimentary, even symbiotic (like a lichen!) pairing.

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Also I just now ate some more manouri (from sheep, $14.99/lb at Whole Foods), but I'm pretty sure I reviewed it already.

Hudson Valley Camembert, Lavort Herve Mons, & Cypress Chevre Bermuda Triangle

Hudson Valley Camembert
Comes from: sheep
Purchased at: Whole Foods
$19.99/lb

God, I love camembert. More importantly, I love this camembert. It's a sheep-camembert, which perhaps means that the French -- oh, those French -- would quibble (by which I mean "violently disagree, coughing up their phlegmy French throats, setting their rheumy, bloodshot, absinthe-ruined eyes ablaze") with calling it a camembert, since by law camembert comes from cows, just like brie. This camembert, though? It comes from sheep, and it is delicious.

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Lavort Herve Mons
Comes from: sheep
Purchased at: Whole Foods
$34.99/lb

You know, when I was eating this cheese I thought, This would be the perfect way to get children to drink milk cheese to illustrate what a sheep cheese *should* be.

That is high praise.

It's sheepy but not throat-destroying sheepy. The texture is firm, slightly moist. It's just... very... al dente, in a good way. (And obviously more firm than pasta al dente.)

If you are a sheep-cheese virgin, start here. Love, me.

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Cypress Chevre Bermuda Triangle
Comes from: goats
Purchased at: Whole Foods
$22.99/lb

You guys know why I had to buy this cheese, right? I mean, look at it! That is a *triangle* of cheese. And in case you *didn't* notice, it is also right there in the name. Bermuda triangle! That is this cheese.

(Does the Bermuda Triangle exist anymore? As... I don't know, a region to be feared? Because I would figure that the gun-toting Somali pirates of the... IndoChinese seas? would make that nautical zone more of a danger, rumored and otherwise, than, like, the drunken Floridian tourists of the Bermuda Triangle. I am just saying.)

Clothbound Cheddar Grafton Village & Mitica Amarelo Alla Beira Baixa

Clothbound Cheddar Grafton Village
Comes from: cows (raw)
Purchased at: Whole Foods
$24.99/lb

So the thing is, even though I don't love cheddar (never have, either, even that grocery-store stuff; my brother got cheddar on his sandwiches, and I got muenster, and also butter, on the muenster, which should explain everything right now), I keep *buying* cheddar. Because there are all these interesting cheddars at Whole Foods, you know? And I keep trying to convince myself that, you know, maybe it's just that I haven't had authentic cheddar yet.

But I still don't love cheddar.

That said, this cheese? This is probably the best cheddar I have tasted so far. But then, I also love its texture; a lot of the other fancy cheddars still ran to the moist, sandwich-cheese side of the spectrum, you know, pieces that give to the knife before they cut. This cheese is more to the dry, parmigiano side; it merely fragments. The flavor is cheddar, but subtle; you have to think about it before you recognize it. It's interesting.

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Mitica Amarelo Alla Beira Baixa
Comes from: sheep and goats (unpasteurized; is that different from "raw"?)
Purchased at: Whole Foods
$29.99/lb

The sign advertised this cheese as "buttery," and if your butter were made of the milk of sheep and/or goats (more sheep than goats, but you could really convince yourself either way), that adjective would be correct. Very smooth, squishy cheese, like... You know, the problem with growing up as an American is that cheese-texture puzzles me. I don't have enough adjectives that are communal. If we'd all grown up in France or Spain, maybe I'd have options other than, "This cheese's texture is like less-dense, melty muenster, and I mean the grocery store muenster, not that awful French stuff." Anyway. A palate-clinging, sheep-inflected (look! I did it again!) uniformly-textured cheese; right up to the rind it's pretty much equal density (as opposed to the last review's cheese, which had noticable... not strata, necessarily, but you could tell how far you were from the core). The flavor is neither subtle nor overpowering; it's a good cheese for mixing, I decided. Midway through my (generous) hunk, I decided it needed something, and then remembered that, lo, I had bought fresh figs on my same trip to Whole Foods, and lo, some of them were ripe. So I sliced a few figs into teeny-weeny hunklets and paired them with thin slices of this cheese, which turned out ridiculously well: The sweet and cool of the figs hits your tongue first, then the salt of the cheese, then the taste of the figs again, and finally, as you're almost ready to swallow, the full flavor of the cheese comes back and clings to your tongue and palate as the bite disappears. It's fantastic.

So. That is this cheese. Is pretty good.

There is nothing like a Dane

I have no idea what cheese this is.

Oh, hai.

(Clearly I just wanted to use that title.)

Soooo it's been a while, eh? In that my last published entry on this blog is from... three-plus months ago. (I've got one sitting in the hopper that I never published... was it a photo issue? Not sure.)

Wow. Seriously, I have not thought about cheese in so long -- that's not entirely true; I've just been eating crap cheeses, because: Houma, and also Winn-Dixie and Wal-Mart -- that I'm just skimming my entries. I went to Whole Foods tonight -- hence the above posting -- and I couldn't even remember what I liked. (Besides "mmm, goat." Obviously.)

Anyway. On my desk right now I actually have a whole baggie of little individual cheese-labels, because (1) I am weird, and (2) seriously! I have to catalog!

Here we go. Maybe I'll remember something.

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Rosenborg Castello Danish Brie
Comes from: cows
Purchased at: Winn-Dixie
$4.89 for 4.4 oz ($17.78/lb)

So this cheese. This cheese, I actually ate only ten days ago, so I sort-of remember it. I needed brie, is the thing. And I didn't want to buy, like, the President brie the size of my head, which is the other option at Winn-Dixie. I don't love President brie; it's not terrible, but, meh. So this brie was smaller than that one. I was a little disconcerted by the nutritional information on the box: How does this cheese have 20-30 calories fewer per ounce than any brie I have previously encountered? What have they done to the fat content?

I still don't know.

So that, in short, is what was wrong with this cheese. It was a fine cheese for a lonely Saturday night, but it wasn't *brie*. It didn't melt, it wasn't runny -- and y'all, I biked home from Winn-Dixie; surely there was time -- it just... was. Chewy-like. *Reminiscent* of brie, yes, but not brie. And consequently I cannot judge this cheese, because on its own merits it might be okay, but it is not what I was expecting.

I thrive on expectations.

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Hudson Valley Camembert
Comes from: sheep
Purchased at: Whole Foods, sometime 8/17-8/24
$24.99/lb

I usually like camembert, so this one was probably good.

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Gorgonzola Mountain (Picante) (Mountain Gorgonzola D.O.P. Cheese)
Comes from: cows
Purchased at: Rouse's in Houma, before 11/1 (duh)
$15.69/lb

I found this blue cheese almost too spicy, go figure. I like stinky cheeses, within reason (have I told you lately how much I hate French muenster?), but this cheese was a little too palate-burning for me. Also, I think it was fairly oily. Which is weird in a blue cheese? For me? Anyway.

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Ubriaco all [sic] Birra
Comes from: cows (raw), "red beer (rind bathed in beer")
Purchased at: Whole Foods, sometime 7/30-8/29
$24.99/lb

That is an excellent idea, cheese-maker.

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Gorgonzola Dolce
Comes from: cows
Purchased at: Whole Foods, sometime 7/29-8/19
$15.99/lb

I love me some gorgonzola dolce. Seriously, love it. The cheese-monger at Whole Foods in Philadelphia gave me a piece once, with a knowing look in her eye, and that was it. Love at first bite, my friends. Do you like blue cheese, even a little bit? You will like gorgonzola dolce. Try it.

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Cypress Grove Truffle Tremor
Comes from: goats
Purchased at: Whole Foods, sometime 7/31-8/14
$24.99/lb

I can't say I remember this cheese especially well, but Cypress Grove makes good shit, so it was probably delicious.

(Incidentally,
1. "Chevre" means goat. Thanks, google!
2. Holy crap, I really do love everything Cypress Grove makes. Wow.
2a. How did Cypress Grove come to be one of Whole Foods' main cheese-suppliers? I mean, I'm just curious.
2b. But then, how many large-scale, high-quality (to me), (ahem) "artisinal" cheese suppliers are there in the continental United States? I'm just curious.
2c. Probably I should ask someone. Preferably someone who doesn't work for Whole Foods.)

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Rembrant [sic] Extra Aged Gouda
Comes from: cows, presumably
Purchased at: Rouse's in Houma, before 8/30
$17.88/lb

Eh. I guess I don't love all gouda after all.

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Abbaye de Tamie Herve Mons
Comes from: cows (raw)
Purchased at: Whole Foods, sometime 7/25-8/24
$26.99/lb

God, I wish I remembered this cheese. Probably it was delicious.

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Herve Mons Cone du Port Aubrey
Comes from: goats (raw)
Purchased at: Whole Foods, sometime
$36.99/lb


Well, obviously I had to buy it. It's cheese in a cone-shape, y'all.

(According to legend -- and per the Whole Foods guy -- the shape is due to the cheese-monger's sudden flash of inspiration and decision to use his wife's underthings as a mold. For what it's worth.)

You know, I just now, after months of loving everything Herve Mons does, googled it. Is it a place? A style? Non, non, mes amis: It is just some dude's name. Some dude in France. Some dude whose life I envied, 'til I realized that he had to get up even earlier than anesthesiologists.

Fuck that noise.

But I'm glad someone does it.

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Doux de Montagne French
Comes from: cows, presumably
Purchased at: Rouse's in Houma, before 11/1
$16.87/lb

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Lamb Chopper
Comes from: sheep
Purchased at: Whole Foods, sometime 7/8-8/7
$22.99/lb

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Rocastin Sheep Brie
Comes from: sheep
Purchased at: Whole Foods, sometime 8/3-8/10
$21.99/lb

Mitica Clara Raw Goat Cheese

Mitica Clara Raw Goat Cheese
Comes from: goats
Puchased at: Whole Foods
$24.99/lb

I think the answer is, I like ash. Ash! Who knew? But this is an ash-cheese, and that Humboldt Fog... whatever, the ash one, that one is delicious. So there you go.

When you break it against your palate this cheese has a solid woody goaty flavor. Woody? I dunno, I just needed an extra adjective. It sounds stupid, after all, to say that a goat cheese tastes goaty. This cheese! Tastes like its ingredients! Etc. Anyway, you break it against your palate -- it's a soft cheese, this one, easily fragmented by your tongue, not melty-soft but just not very dense -- and the taste just explodes and when you swallow it clings to the back of your throat, stinging just a little. Bites with the ash in them are sharper, more astringent, and really do sting the back, but in a good way. The occasional bite with no ash at all, meanwhile, has an almost Swiss-cheese note -- yes, I just used the word note -- to it, hollow and... I dunno, something about this cheese sometimes reminds me of Swiss.

In short, this cheese is delicious, and you should eat some.

Fin.

Polder Gold Dutch Goat Gouda

(Henri Willig) Polder Gold (Polder Blanc) Dutch Goat Gouda
Comes from: goats
Purchased at: Rouse's
$13.67/lb

The problem with working nights is that you get home, and you feel utterly ridiculous because c'mon, you've been at work 12-plus hours, and you should just go to bed, and then you end up eating anyway, because you need to stay awake to surf the internet for fifteen minutes. And what you end up eating depends entirely on what you brought to the hospital last night to eat during your shift, and then you never got a chance.

Sometimes, that something is goat gouda.

So this cheese. At extreme room temperature -- which is probably the name of the blandest metal band ever, like, EXTREME a comfortable 72 degrees -- anyway, when kept at room temperature for approximately 13 hours, this cheese develops only the slightest oil-sheen, and it still tastes good. It would be better slightly (slightly!) chilled, probably, but it's a pretty solid goat cheese all the same. Hooray, Rouse's! Sometimes. Who knew?

Président Brie and Gusto Antica Taleggio Raw Milk

Président^® 7 oz Plain Foil Brie Wedge [no, seriously, that's what the website calls it]
Comes from: cows
Purchased at: Wal-Mart
$3.98 (or $28.14/lb)

I don't have a photo, but it used to be in that foil there.

Meh. You know, I needed brie, and this brie was there, and not ridiculously expensive, and it wasn't bad, exactly, but it just wasn't very flavorful or very creamy. Part of that is my fault; I mean, I ate it, quickly, bite-by-bite, when I had a minute in the ER, and it was just out of the fridge, but then, it never did melt well. I dunno, I expect brie to melt after a while.

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Gusto Antica Taleggio Raw Milk
Comes from: cows
Purchased at: Whole Foods
$16.99/lb

A lesson in unintended consequences:

The purchase and consumption of a not-great cheese will sometimes lead to the purchase and (I assume) consumption of some cheeses that cost significantly more. Wait, WTF? I just did the math up there and at least some of the Whole Foods cheeses cost less, ouncewise, than the Wal-Mart brie. WEIRD.

Anyway.

I liked this cheese. I mean, not my favorite ever-ever, but it was pretty good, or maybe it's just breaking the cheese-fast after far too long (or a week and a half, whatever). At first bite it's so smooth the only taste my mind can come up with is "plasticy," which is wrong because it's good, so maybe I mean... astringent? Then the salt kicks in when you squish it against your hard palate, and it's almost bacony, and then when you swallow there's the aftertaste, which is just pungent, like foot cheese but milder. The rind is crunchy, sandy almost, but that's pleasant too. It's very soft, melty if you leave it out of the fridge for a bit (or, um, bike with it for twenty minutes through 85-degree heat and then eat it more or less immediately).

Nameless stick cheddar from the drug store.

Deerfield Farms Mild Cheddar
Comes from: cows, presumably
Purchased at: Walgreens, the 24-hour one
$.59 each, or two for $1

Part of a well-balanced American meal. A meal *you can make*! Using only supplies found at your local 24-hour pharmacy.

Y'all? You know what? For stick cheddar, it ain't bad. Not great, but then, not bad.

What I really ought to do is start testing out mozzarella sticks again. Since WaWa doesn't exist down here.

(And perhaps that is why it is named WaWa, for the noise I am apt to make now that it is denied to me: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAWAAAAAAAAAAAA.)

(Etc.)

Torta Serena and Cypress Chevre Midnight Moon.

Serena! Look! There is a cheese named for you!

Cheese-blog! Look! I am back! For a little while! For this post, specifically! I HAVE MISSED YOU SO MUCH AND BY "YOU," I MEAN "CHEESE."

(There is no cheese in China. Kate and I were supposed to go to Parc for the cheese plate after we got back but then I moved and she started being a surgeon and it never happened because I SUCK.)

Anyway.

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Torta Serena
comes from: sheep
purchased at: Whole Foods
$24.99/lb

This cheese, I think, ranks a solid okay-to-good. The texture when I cut it was surprisingly grainy, but it turned out to be very soft at room temperature, not runny or anything, but solid-soft, turning gummy when I chewed it. Not at all a sheepy flavor; not a very powerful flavor at all. I dunno; just not my favorite. Not *bad*, not by any means, but just... not my favorite. Sorry, Serena.

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Cypress Chevre Midnight Moon
comes from: goats
purchased at: Whole Foods
$27.99/lb

You know, I was going to snark on this cheese's name -- who the hell names a cheese "midnight moon"? it is a cheese, not a selection on late-night Cinemax -- but whatever, it is a pretty good cheese and I suppose the cheese-makers can call it whatever they want. A medium-hard cheese (high, I arbitrarily made that designation up right now!), solid goat flavor, not overpowering. Just... good. I ate this one much faster than the other one, is what I am saying. So fast I didn't have time to think! That is what this cheese did to me.

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Also, yesterday at my local Whole Foods, all the featured sample-cheeses were cheddar. Which, guys, hi, it's *just cheddar*. I mean, yes, Seaside and Quickeus and Keen's and that Australian cheddar you guys made up? Okay, that last one was pretty good. But it's *cheddar*. Moving on.

Meadow Creek Mountaineer & Herve Mons Le Chartreux

Meadow Creek Mountaineer
Comes from: cows
Purchased at: Whole Foods
$14.99/lb

Herve Mons Le Chartreux
Comes from: cows
Purchased at: Whole Foods
$29.99/lb

So neither of these cheeses was really my Favorite Cheese Ever. The Meadow Creek had a vaguely foot-ish scent, a sort of horseradishy sour flavor to the rhindy bits, but overall had just a totally mild almost acidic taste, which is, well, I mean, I've said before that I suck at mild flavors. A moist cheese, sort of palate-sticky, like muenster but a tad wetter. Think this one or this one or this one. (The flavor of the cheese was *extremely* familiar, actually, and I could've sworn I'd had it before, but of those four I can't narrow it down. Which says something about my writing skills. DESCRIBING FOOD IS HARD.)

Herve Le Mons Chartreux, you'll notice, cost twice as much as the other cheese, and sometimes I guess that means something, in that I liked it better; it had a more powerful taste, more of a bite, was a little drier, but still wasn't anything near parmesan in texture or fragmentability. You know, how some cheese fragment and some just bend? This one compromises. If that is at all possible.

WaWa Cheddar, Pecorino Tartufello, Hollandaise Chevre Goat, and Gruyere Grand Cru Surchoix.

WaWa Cheddar
Comes from: cows, probably
$3.99/10 oz
Purchased at: WaWa, 'natch

Pecorino Tartufello
Comes from: sheep
$29.99/lb
Purchased at: Whole Foods

Hollandse Chevre Goat Cheese
Comes from: goats
$13.99/lb
Purchased at: Whole Foods

Gruyere Grand Cru Surchoix
Comes from: cows
$18.99/lb
Purchased at: Whole Foods

You know, I think it's just that I was (am) exhausted/pissed/drunk but none of these cheeses impressed me all that much. I mean, the WaWa cheddar was clearly the weak link; I guess the good thing about eating expensive cheese all the time is that now I shrug at cheese sticks and cheese bricks (except when it's 2 AM and only WaWa is open). WaWa cheddar: Kind of tasteless. Moving on.

The pecorino tartuffo was interesting, seriously interesting, and I think I'd buy it and gladly for a dinner party. It's strong in flavor, like a pecorino, but the texture... I'm going with "bendable" but also "feta-like." Maybe if you took a bunch of feta and squeezed it all together so it wasn't so much crumbly as rubbery, but the good kind of rubbery? But still sort of sandy-dry on the tongue like feta is? That's this cheese.

And then the Hollandse Chevre. A good strong goaty flavor but still and all the bite is too smooth and, eh, I don't know, it just didn't strike me as anything special. For what it's worth.


Annnd finally we come to the Gruyere Grand Cru Surchoix, which is, I'm told, gruyere-like; it's just, meh, not anything special. For me.

Incidentally, I bought some Mount Tam earlier, because I liked it the last time, and it was good, though I guess it didn't impress me as much, either. So maybe someone has just destroyed my cheese-receptors this week.

(That someone is BOOZE.)

(Oh, holy shit, I *haven't* mentioned Mt Tam here? Really? Because I thought I had. Um, really? Not even... New Orleans? Didn't I eat Mt Tam in New Orleans? No, apparently not... Shit. Well, Mt Tam is a very good, creamy, brie-like cheese, and we all know that butterfat + me = happy, so I like it a lot. That is Mt Tam.)

Calkins Creamery Pastured Paulin

(God, I've been reading "pasteurized" for "pastured" this whole time.)

Calkins Creamery Pastured Paulin
Comes from: cows
Purchased at: Whole Foods
$15.99/lb

... Meh? I mean, it's not a bad cheese, and it's better than, like, supermarket cheese, but it's not... astounding.

Old Chatham Nancy Camembert

Old Chatham Nancy Camembert
Comes from: sheep *and* cows
Purchased at: Whole Foods
$19.99/lb

You know, I may not know the difference between camembert and brie, but I know what I like, and I like them, and also this one.

Aged Reserva Mahon & Quickeus English Farmhouse Cheddar

Aged Reserva Mahon
Comes from: cows
Purchased at: Whole Foods
$14.99/lb

So I've reviewed mahon before in this space, but I have a terrible memory (woo! medicine!) and, y'know, it was available in small pieces. So, mahon. Mahon is a firm cheese, very similar in texture and moisture to parmesan, and it smells a bit like gouda, but while it's not a ridiculously strong cheese, it's stronger than either of those. Mahon just hits the top of your palate (your soft palate, if you must know) and almost burns the back of your throat. It's got an aftertaste almost reminiscent of banana (and you have no idea how long I had to ponder, cheese disintegrating in my mouth, before I figured that one out). It is not my thing, exactly, but I could see where people would dig it. "People."

Quickeus English Farmhouse Cheddar
Comes from: cows
Purchased at: Whole Foods
$14.99/lb

What's interesting about this one is that immediately after unwrapping it, I said, "Wait, does this cheese have horseradish in it?" The answer is no, but it smells so strongly of horseradish that I suspect something. It does not taste of horseradish, however; instead, it's got a lovely, almost sticky, cheddary thick and moist(er than your flaky cheeses, anyway) consistency. It reminds me of Seaside Cheddar, but that might just be because they're both British cheddars and both "the wrong color"; thanks to America, cheddar is, was, and always will be bright orange. Whatevs. Nice ched, Brits.

Greek Manouri

Greek Manouri
Comes from: sheep and goats
Purchased at: Whole Foods
$12.99/lb

This cheese is tough to describe. It tastes a whole lot like feta, but when I think of feta I think of chunklets that are a bit chewy, but also... full of holes, you know? And this cheese's texture is... well, it's lightweight, as if it were full of holes, and yet there are no holes to be seen. It is *less dense* than its appearance might suggest. It's like, if you had a chunk of, well, Capricho de Cabra or La Tur, and then cut off all the melty outside bits, so only the vaguely-sandy-but-that-sounds-bad-so-I-don't-mean-sandy-maybe-I-just-mean-drier inside bits remained? This cheese would be like that. Soft enough to crush with your tongue alone, but not melty or liquid soft. Just... soft.

It is very good.

Mons-Cazelle de Saint Affrique and Pata Cabra

I would like to dedicate a post to the two cheeses I enjoyed in New Orleans as part of my healthy and balanced Whole Foods-based dinners on Friday and Saturday nights. (Yes, I was in New Orleans, during French Quarter Fest, during a weekend, and I... ate at the Whole Foods salad bar. Because I was alone, and exhausted after house-hunting, and I AM NOT ASHAMED.)

So. Mons-Cazelle de Saint Affrique and Pata Cabra.

Mons-Cazelle de Saint Affrique
I gotta hand it to the cheese guy at Whole Foods. He recommended this cheese -- I mean, Whole Foods is pushing it this month -- and it was quite good and I was not sorry at all. Perhaps I should use my cheesemongers as a source of cheese information, as well as social gossip. Maybe. A little? Anyway. This is a soft/semisoft sheeps' milk cheese, not too sheepy but strong enough, and as always I recommend crusty bread if you have crusty bread in your lonely sterile hotel room. If not, well, you have the internet. Maybe. When it doesn't die.

Pata Cabra
And this cheese was also quite good, though I picked it out in classic G-fashion of finding a hunk of cheese that would not, when consumed in its entirety, make me feel like a fatass. Ahem. A goats' milk cheese to balance out the previous day's sheep-round, this cheese was delighful. You should buy some and eat it, if you like goat cheeses. And... that's all.

Capricho de Cabra vs. La Tur

So I don't have pictures of either of these cheeses, because I sort of brought them along to school and ate them with my Healthyman cafeteria salads yesterday and today, and it would've been even more distracting during lunchtime lecture if I'd whipped out a camera *in addition to* slowly licking each morsel of cheese off of the plastic it'd been wrapped in. Which I may or may not have done.

Annnnd not like it would've helped y'all much, either. By the time I got to them, the cheeses were more or less semi-solid balls of goo. Like... I dunno, sort of like brie that's been sitting at room temperature for a while. Deeeeeeelicious (and the "delicious" is serious).

Oh! Hey! I'm on the internet! Here is the Capricho de Cabra, and here is the La Tur. Woo!

So. Picture two white semi-solid balls of goo, and the Capricho de Cabra cost, I think, $10.99 or $11.99 a pound, and the La Tur was more expensive, say $19.99 a pound, and both are, of course, available at Whole Foods or whereever you have a cheesemonger you love and another one to crush on. IT IS A BEAUTIFUL THING.

What I am saying here is that both of these cheeses were delicious and well worth eating with a fork in the back of a dimly-lit roomful of sad radiology residents, occasionally crinkling the saran wrap and cementing your reputation as that annoying bitch who eats weird shit loudly.

And despite the fact that the Capricho de Cabra comes from goat, and the La Tur comes from both goat and cow, the cheeses tasted very similar, a lovely fatty goaty crush-it-on-the-roof-of-your-mouth... orgasm? We'll go with orgasm. The La Tur was a little stronger -- I might prefer the Capricho de Cabra for taste -- and had a nifty dry-on-the-inside, melty-on-the-outside thing going, but honestly the differences in texture between the cheeses were probably due to their locations in my bag and my bag's location on the floor before lunchtime. You know, what we scientists call confounders.

(Science!)

Soo. You should buy one of these cheeses, is what I am saying. Either would go well with crusty bread, not sweet and not too strong (I'd stick with classic baguette or sourdough), and maybe a little bit of some kind of fancy lettuce (... arugula?). Yes. That would be delicious.

(Soooo delicious I wish I were eating it right nowwwwwwwww.)

Gorgonzola dolce

Gorgonzola Dolce
Comes from: cows
Purchased at: Whole Foods
$10.99/lb

Oh god this cheese is so fucking good.

It's soft and melty, almost like brie, and not at all like blue cheese; this cheese has only the occasional small chunky bit. It's really almost mild, for a blue cheese; hell, it *is* mild. It's the sort of blue cheese you'd serve to your friend who hates blue cheese. But it's just... so good. There's a creamy bite, and then if you sort of wait and hold the cheese in your mouth (hi, this blog is basically porn, isn't it?) there's a sweet, almost fruity taste. Seriously. It's weird. What the hell is that taste? Why does it remind me of something? What does it remind me of?

God, this cheese is delicious.

Brabander

Brabander
Comes from: cows
Purchased at: Fair Foods Farmstand
$21/lb

This is a pretty good cheese; the man at the stand described it to me as a gouda, which seems about right. It's not a particularly strong or sharp cheese, but it's got a solid mild flavor and a really good bite to it: chewy, not too dry, just... mmm.

Maybe I really eat cheese just for the texture?

Crap. Now I have to think about that for a while.

Cheese party!

Unfortunately, I have already disposed of the labels, and also most of the cheese, so this won't be much of a review. That said...

Clockwise, from the whitish one Marjorie's hand is cutting: goat milk gouda (Trader Joe's), pastore sini (Whole Foods), drunken goat cheese (Whole Foods), abondance cheese (Trader Joe's), Saint Andre (Trader Joe's), brie (Trader Joe's).

Really I was impressed by the Trader Joe's cheeses here; I wasn't expecting them to be spectacular, because, eh, Trader Joe's, but they held up well. Special props to the goat gouda, the abondance (which I thought would be stinky when I first pulled off the wrapper, but instead was just pleasantly pungent and wound up being one of my favorites), and the Saint Andre, which, go figure, is brie with a higher fat content.

Yay, cheese-party. Yay.

I do still eat cheese, I swear: Oregon Rogue Blue

Oregon Rogue Blue
Comes from: cows
Purchased at: Whole Foods
$21.99/lb

Hi. I am a pretty good blue cheese.

Honestly I just wanted somewhere to put these comics.

title text: the mystery of the exotic produce

And since this blog reads more or less as an extended ad for Whole Foods, well. Here is good.

title text: poor people have got sore junk

Carr Valley Goat River Blend & Fiore Sardo

Carr Valley Goat River Blend
Comes from: goats
Purchased at: Whole Foods
$22.99/lb

You know, every so often I think, man, maybe goat cheeses are not my favorite. Maybe I do like sheep cheeses more, since I don't hate sheep cheeses as much as I thought I did. (Logic! It is not there.) Maybe... cows?

And then I have this cheese, and I realize I am wrong.

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Fiore Sardo
Comes from: sheep
Purchased at: Whole Foods
$14.99/lb

But then, I don't hate sheep cheeses either. How often do I have a double play where I say, "Man, these cheeses are both pretty awesome?" Um... pretty often, really. I am not that selective.

Oldwick Shepherd & PA Noble

Right. So it turns out that I haven't bought any cheese in eleven days, which is some kind of record for me, and also which is a lie, because I totally bought some cheese sticks at TJ's last week. But! HERE IS A POST ABOUT SOME CHEESE I ATE BACK THEN AND I HAVE FINALLY UPLOADED THE PHOTOS.

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Valley Shepherd Creamery, Long Valley, NJ: Oldwick Shepherd
Comes from: sheep
Purchased at: Fair Foods Farmstand, Reading Terminal Market
$25/lb

So this cheese. This cheese was good, a very mild sheep's cheese. Or do I mean sheeps' cheese? Can I assume that all of the milk that went into making this cheese came from a single ewe? I don't think I can. But "sheeps' cheese"? Really? And yes, I know that the sheep did not make this cheese, did not consent to be slaves of The Man and have their nipples macerated every day by giant milking machines so that a certain zaftig, largely sedentary female human in a bright and shiny apartment building in a far-away city could consume their lipidated sweat.

(Unlikely words that spell check does not disapprove of: "lipidated.")

But given all of those things, the fact remains that "sheeps' cheese," or even "sheeps'-milk cheese," with the apostrophe *there*, looks ridiculous, and maybe it is "sheep's milk," you know, one sheep representing the herd, all "One small step for [a] man, one giant leap for mankind." Only it bungles the quote at the last minute because it's on the MOTHERFUCKING MOON with RHINOS and maybe some OCTOPI*.

* Cf. pp. 42, 43.

(Even though I know that the sheep that gives milk is automatically a ewe-sheep*, my brain defaults to "it" for subject-pronoun. I HAVE NO RESPECT FOR ANIMAL-KIND EVEN WHEN IT GIVES ME CHEESES.)

* June is bustin' out all over. IN MY HEART.

Um, like I said, the cheese was pretty good. Not my favorite -- kind of, like I said, mild, and my palate isn't refined enough for that -- but pretty good all the same.

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Green Valley Dairy, Lancaster Co, PA: PA Noble
Comes from: cows
Purchased at: Fair Foods Farmstand, Reading Terminal Market
$25/lb

This cheese was also a solid choice, if *also* a little too mild for my tastes. I mean, it's *supposed* to be mild, I think. But, y'know, too mild to eat alone. Which is how I eat my cheeses. And all of my meals. For the rest of my life.

[runs away sobbing]

Blue post-call day: Neal's Yard Shropshire Blue and Valley Shepherd Creamery Crema de Blue

Neal's Yard Shropshire Blue
Comes from: cows
Purchased at: Whole Foods
$24.99/lb

This cheese was okay. It was very sharp; I'm trying to think of what it'd pair with, food-wise. Salad, obviously -- it's not exactly traditional-crumbly enough for salad, but I bet it would be good sliced thin and scattered over spinach leaves -- and I'm coming up with only beer. Beer, salad, maybe stick some of this cheese on toothpicks at your fancy-shmancy dinner parties, though be warned that it's probably crumbly enough to get all over your inherited carpets. Whatevs; that's what the help is for.

(OH GOD MY FANTASY LIFE.)

(HONESTLY I JUST WANT A ROOMBA THOUGH.)

So. Sharp cheese, softer than muenster, harder than brie, moister than a traditional crumbly blue cheese... maybe edge towards feta a little bit from regular blue, and that's where this cheese sits. Good, solid, a little too blue for my tastes which I didn't think was possible, but hey, surprises happen every day in my life. CHEESY SURPRISES.

(I WISH.)

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Valley Shepherd Creamery Crema de Blue
Comes from: sheep
Purchased at: Fair Food Farmstand [You guys know I don't give a crap about fair food, right? And that I only bought cheese here because it came in small pieces? Okay, good. Gotta defend my rep.]
$21/lb

(Ohhhh, weird, the stand is totally connected with the place where I went on that date on Tuesday. Ohhhhh.)

This cheese I liked better, though that might just be because it was meltier and I was in a kind of melty mood. A little less sharp of a blue, and like I said, a little meltier, but only a little. Think... I dunno, cross blue cheese with brie, and that's how soft this was. Kind of.

(Of course, I might be biased in favor of the little-guy cheese. Shhhh. I AM NOT A FAIR FOODS KIND OF GIRL I JUST HATE WHOLE FOODS MORE.)

Another triple play: Fontal Fiave Valle Alpina, Rogue River Blue, Lavort

Fontal Val Alpina [Fontal Fiave Valle Alpina]
Comes from: cows
Purchased at: Whole Foods
$9.99/lb

[no picture because my phone ran out of memory and then this turned out to be the one cheese I cannot find *anywhere* on the internet, seriously it is like the cheese that does not exist]

This cheese is... okay. A softer, sandwichy cheese; I guess I'd compare it to muenster (regular, American muenster) in hardness and density and moisture. It's just kind of... bland, I guess. I think it'd be good with sharper meats, because it's got a nice chewy bite and I imagine it melts pretty well and so would be good on panini and such. But then, what isn't good on panini and such? Precious little.

Rogue River Blue
Comes from: cows
Purchased at: Whole Foods
$39.99/lb

An interesting blue cheese, with pear brandy and grape leaves thrown in. Crumbly, moist, palate-sticky in texture, the way a blue cheese should be. The grape leaves were especially interesting; they added an almost peppery but not overpowering flavor to the cheese within. Overall, a solid cheese whose additives (for once) complimented the whole rather than just confused the fuck out of it.

Lavort
Comes from: sheep
Purchased at: Whole Foods
$24.99/lb

Also a pretty good cheese. Not quite as dry as parmigiano in texture and bite, but edging close. Not really a sandwich cheese, but the flavor is pretty mild all the same. (Also, still more evidence that I need to rethink my anti-sheep bias, but shhh. Shhhhhh.)

I am so angry at this article it is kind of funny.

Cheese — it's grosser than you thought
Behind the taste lie bacteria, stomach lining, pesticides and pure fat

"To ripen cheese and add flavor, bacterial strains are freely injected and smeared into the substance."

OH NOS!

Shit, people. WHERE DID YOU THINK CHEESE CAME FROM?

(Also, "Fat is what gives cheese its taste, and 70 to 80 percent of the calories in cheese come from pure fat." ARE YOU SPEAKING DISAPPROVINGLY OF DIETARY FAT? BECAUSE YOU AND I, WE WILL HAVE WORDS.)

Zamorano

Zamorano
Comes from: sheep
Purchased at: Whole Foods
$16.99/lb

Damn, this was good sheep cheese. I am surprised. In fact, I am beginning to think that maybe I don't hate sheep cheeses after all?

... Yeah, that was how good this cheese was. This cheese was so good I am beginning to rethink my bias towards its species.

Wisconsin Muenster

Wisconsin Muenster
Comes from: cows
Purchased at: Whole Foods
$6.99/lb

So tonight I ate muenster cheese.

And, no, honestly, you don't need a review of muenster cheese.