There is nothing like a Dane

I have no idea what cheese this is.

Oh, hai.

(Clearly I just wanted to use that title.)

Soooo it's been a while, eh? In that my last published entry on this blog is from... three-plus months ago. (I've got one sitting in the hopper that I never published... was it a photo issue? Not sure.)

Wow. Seriously, I have not thought about cheese in so long -- that's not entirely true; I've just been eating crap cheeses, because: Houma, and also Winn-Dixie and Wal-Mart -- that I'm just skimming my entries. I went to Whole Foods tonight -- hence the above posting -- and I couldn't even remember what I liked. (Besides "mmm, goat." Obviously.)

Anyway. On my desk right now I actually have a whole baggie of little individual cheese-labels, because (1) I am weird, and (2) seriously! I have to catalog!

Here we go. Maybe I'll remember something.

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Rosenborg Castello Danish Brie
Comes from: cows
Purchased at: Winn-Dixie
$4.89 for 4.4 oz ($17.78/lb)

So this cheese. This cheese, I actually ate only ten days ago, so I sort-of remember it. I needed brie, is the thing. And I didn't want to buy, like, the President brie the size of my head, which is the other option at Winn-Dixie. I don't love President brie; it's not terrible, but, meh. So this brie was smaller than that one. I was a little disconcerted by the nutritional information on the box: How does this cheese have 20-30 calories fewer per ounce than any brie I have previously encountered? What have they done to the fat content?

I still don't know.

So that, in short, is what was wrong with this cheese. It was a fine cheese for a lonely Saturday night, but it wasn't *brie*. It didn't melt, it wasn't runny -- and y'all, I biked home from Winn-Dixie; surely there was time -- it just... was. Chewy-like. *Reminiscent* of brie, yes, but not brie. And consequently I cannot judge this cheese, because on its own merits it might be okay, but it is not what I was expecting.

I thrive on expectations.

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Hudson Valley Camembert
Comes from: sheep
Purchased at: Whole Foods, sometime 8/17-8/24
$24.99/lb

I usually like camembert, so this one was probably good.

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Gorgonzola Mountain (Picante) (Mountain Gorgonzola D.O.P. Cheese)
Comes from: cows
Purchased at: Rouse's in Houma, before 11/1 (duh)
$15.69/lb

I found this blue cheese almost too spicy, go figure. I like stinky cheeses, within reason (have I told you lately how much I hate French muenster?), but this cheese was a little too palate-burning for me. Also, I think it was fairly oily. Which is weird in a blue cheese? For me? Anyway.

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Ubriaco all [sic] Birra
Comes from: cows (raw), "red beer (rind bathed in beer")
Purchased at: Whole Foods, sometime 7/30-8/29
$24.99/lb

That is an excellent idea, cheese-maker.

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Gorgonzola Dolce
Comes from: cows
Purchased at: Whole Foods, sometime 7/29-8/19
$15.99/lb

I love me some gorgonzola dolce. Seriously, love it. The cheese-monger at Whole Foods in Philadelphia gave me a piece once, with a knowing look in her eye, and that was it. Love at first bite, my friends. Do you like blue cheese, even a little bit? You will like gorgonzola dolce. Try it.

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Cypress Grove Truffle Tremor
Comes from: goats
Purchased at: Whole Foods, sometime 7/31-8/14
$24.99/lb

I can't say I remember this cheese especially well, but Cypress Grove makes good shit, so it was probably delicious.

(Incidentally,
1. "Chevre" means goat. Thanks, google!
2. Holy crap, I really do love everything Cypress Grove makes. Wow.
2a. How did Cypress Grove come to be one of Whole Foods' main cheese-suppliers? I mean, I'm just curious.
2b. But then, how many large-scale, high-quality (to me), (ahem) "artisinal" cheese suppliers are there in the continental United States? I'm just curious.
2c. Probably I should ask someone. Preferably someone who doesn't work for Whole Foods.)

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Rembrant [sic] Extra Aged Gouda
Comes from: cows, presumably
Purchased at: Rouse's in Houma, before 8/30
$17.88/lb

Eh. I guess I don't love all gouda after all.

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Abbaye de Tamie Herve Mons
Comes from: cows (raw)
Purchased at: Whole Foods, sometime 7/25-8/24
$26.99/lb

God, I wish I remembered this cheese. Probably it was delicious.

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Herve Mons Cone du Port Aubrey
Comes from: goats (raw)
Purchased at: Whole Foods, sometime
$36.99/lb


Well, obviously I had to buy it. It's cheese in a cone-shape, y'all.

(According to legend -- and per the Whole Foods guy -- the shape is due to the cheese-monger's sudden flash of inspiration and decision to use his wife's underthings as a mold. For what it's worth.)

You know, I just now, after months of loving everything Herve Mons does, googled it. Is it a place? A style? Non, non, mes amis: It is just some dude's name. Some dude in France. Some dude whose life I envied, 'til I realized that he had to get up even earlier than anesthesiologists.

Fuck that noise.

But I'm glad someone does it.

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Doux de Montagne French
Comes from: cows, presumably
Purchased at: Rouse's in Houma, before 11/1
$16.87/lb

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Lamb Chopper
Comes from: sheep
Purchased at: Whole Foods, sometime 7/8-8/7
$22.99/lb

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Rocastin Sheep Brie
Comes from: sheep
Purchased at: Whole Foods, sometime 8/3-8/10
$21.99/lb